


Mourning Those We've Lost

by stilinski_wolf



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Canon-Compliant, Everyone is mourning Allison, M/M, Post Season 4, Pre-Slash, We barely saw Stiles mourn so this is mainly focused on him mourning, derek is there for stiles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-23
Updated: 2016-07-23
Packaged: 2018-07-26 07:49:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,923
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7566007
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stilinski_wolf/pseuds/stilinski_wolf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stiles, Scott and Lydia visit Allison's grave sometime after the events of Season 4. When Stiles is left alone at her grave, Derek shows up, and he's there for Stiles in a way Stiles didn't know he needed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mourning Those We've Lost

Stiles watched Scott and Lydia walk ahead of him, holding hands to comfort each other, while he hung his head low. Since the funeral they had had for Allison a week after they had stopped the nogitsune, they had only been - or at least Stiles had only been - back to her grave once, and then the whole thing with the Benefactor and Kate and Peter had gone on for a little over a month, and they had all been a little - understandably - distracted. 

But they had all gotten back from Mexico a few days before, and Scott and Stiles had been hanging out in his room when Lydia had come barging in, saying that she wanted, needed, to go to Allison’s grave, and they had agreed, seeing the tears in Lydia’s eyes. 

His hands in the pockets of his sweatshirt, Stiles turned and stopped just to Lydia’s left as she and Scott turned to Allison’s grave as one. 

Stiles had done this plenty of times before, of course, with his mom. But instead of him carrying the flowers, it was Scott, laying the flowers down in front of Allison’s grave with his free hand. 

Stiles felt a lump form in his throat as he looked at her headstone, letting himself feel things he hadn’t let himself feel since her funeral. 

  
**_Allison Argent_ **

**January 14th, 1994 - November 18th, 2011**

**Beloved Daughter**

**Beloved Friend**

**_“Nous protégeons ceux qui ne peuvent_**

**_se protéger eux-mêmes”_**

Lydia knelt down, taking her hand out of Scott’s to kiss her fingers and then touch them to the headstone. “I love you, and I miss you everyday. It’s not the same around here without you.” 

Scott knelt next to Lydia, copied her gesture. “You were a bright light in a dark world, and ever since you’ve been gone, it’s been a little bit darker. I’ll always love you.” 

Scott and Lydia were both crying, tears streaming down their faces, and Stiles looked away, letting them have their moment. They were the two people who had been closest to her, and their grief would never really go away. 

And Stiles…she had been his friend, a good friend. And it was his fault she was dead. 

Stiles could barely live himself sometimes at the thought. But just like with his mother, he always pushed the thought away, covered it with sarcasm and hilarity. It was what he did best, after all. 

_“You killed her. You killed you’re mother.”_

Stiles shook his head to push the echo of his not-father’s voice from the hallucination he had had close to a year ago now, and walked up to kneel beside Lydia, and copied her and Scott’s gesture. 

“You were the best of all of us, you truly were. I miss you." 

And then Stiles stood up, leaving Lydia and Scott to huddle together, grieve together. 

Lydia eventually was able to stop the tears long enough to catch Allison up on what had been happening in good ol’ Beacon Hills lately, and how hard it had been to go through it without her, and Scott filled in some blanks for her, and tentatively spoke about Kira, and about how it has become serious between them, and that he hoped it was okay, that he was sure Allison would want him to be happy, right?

"Of course, Scott. She would want nothing more for you.” Lydia murmured.

They lapsed into silence then, and stood, and after a few more minutes of silence, of the wind rustling the tree leaves, the sun peaking out behind the clouds, the distant sound of cars, they nodded at each other and turned to leave, hand in hand once more. 

Stiles stood there, moving toward her grave instead of away from it.

“Stiles? Buddy, you coming?” Scott said, and Stiles turned to see Scott and Lydia turned toward him.

“You guys go, I’ll be there in a minute." 

Scott and Lydia looked a little surprised, but said nothing in response except to nod before they turned around and started heading back to the jeep to wait for Stiles.

Stiles turned to Allison’s grave, and felt the guilt crash through him now that he was alone. He closed his eyes, felt a tear slip out and down his cheek, and hastily wiped it away. 

It was all his fault. He had been possessed by the nogitsune, something with his face and body had taken Lydia to that place, starting the events that followed, and if they’d just killed him while the nogitsune had still been inside his body and they hadn’t been two separate entities, than Allison would still be alive. If they had gotten someone, anyone, like Ethan or Aiden who had had no emotional attachment to him to kill him, than it all would have been over, and Allison wouldn’t have been there trying to save her best friend, and she wouldn’t have died at the hands of a demon wearing his face. 

"I’m so sorry.” Stiles whispered, kneeling down in front of her headstone. “I’m so sorry you died instead of me. It should have been me.” Stiles whispered, voice strangled at trying to hold back tears.

“Do you really think Allison would agree with that?”

Startled, Stiles whipped his head around at the voice, shocked to see Derek standing there, clad in his usual leather jacket, tight fitting jeans and black boots, the only difference being his bright blue t-shirt underneath the jacket. 

“What?” Stiles said out of shock more than anything. 

“I know I didn’t know Allison all that well, but from what little I did know of her, I don’t believe she would agree with you at all." 

"Wh-what…what are you doing here?” Stiles breathed.

Derek gave Stiles a small smile, and slowly sat down next to Stiles, sitting cross legged. “Came to see my family.” And he nodded vaguely to the left. “Then I saw you.” 

“Oh." 

"I thought you were probably here to see your mother, but…” Derek trailed off, looking at Allison’s grave. “I can smell the guilt on you. It’s overpowering.”

Stiles shrank into himself at that, looking away from Derek’s knowing eyes.

“Hey, don’t-you shouldn’t feel guilty. It wasn’t your fault." 

Stiles just laughed hollowly and shook his head. 

"It wasn’t.” Derek insisted. “The nogitsune wasn’t-isn’t you, and it was not you controlling those oni, not you that made them stab her. And it possessing you was out of your control. It could have easily possessed Allison or Scott.”

"But it didn’t.” Stiles insisted, turning to Derek. “It possessed me, and I…at times I…” Stiles winced, looking away. “At times I liked it.”

“Liked what?” Derek asked quietly.

“The…power, it gave me.” Stiles shuddered. “The control, that feeling like I was…invincible.” Stiles shrugged, feeling dirty and vile and disgusting. 

“Stiles, everyone wants power at some point in their lives. And it’s okay to like it. Hell, I liked it, even though I ultimately didn’t want it anymore.” Derek said, and Stiles turned to Derek, shifted to sit cross legged as well. “When I first got the Alpha powers…I was high on power. I liked being able to turn people into a werewolf, I liked swiping my claws across Scott’s stomach and fighting him into the ground and making him stay down. I liked that at the time, even though now when I think about it makes me sick, how I acted, and how I felt punching Scott and others, with all that power behind my punch.” Derek shook his head, sighing as he looked down at the ground, and Stiles could barely breathe, could barely think of what the hell to say. 

“So, you shouldn’t…you shouldn’t beat yourself up about it. I mean, did you like killing people? Did you like that it killed Allison?”

“What? God, no!” Stiles shuddered again, looking at Derek with wide, shocked eyes. “That was the worst part. I was always shouting at it to stop, to not do it and it wouldn’t listen, and sometimes it would push me so far away that I wasn’t even present, like I was pushed into some dark corner of my mind, and I would wake up to see blood on my hands…and…it scared the shit out of me. But it was things like…stopping Allison’s taser and…and punching that kid at Eichen House in the face…I didn’t like that it did that, but I still liked the…the power I was somehow able to feel behind it. And that…that scared the shit out of me. Still does when I think about it." 

"I think if it didn’t scare you then something would be wrong with you.” Derek murmured, and Stiles sniffed, looking at Derek. “If you felt no remorse, no fear at the thought of liking power, at being tempted by it, and just wanted to keep doing it, then…then we’d have a problem." 

Stiles breathed out, felt his shoulders sag in something that felt like relief. Derek understood, he understood what Sitles had been feeling, what he felt like now, because he had gone through something not quite like him, but similar in some ways. And hearing Derek say things like that…Stiles suddenly felt as if a weight had been lifted off his shoulders, if not all of it. 

Stiles gently laid his hand on Derek’s leather clad arm, smiled when Derek turned to look into his eyes. “Thank you.” 

Their gaze locked and held for a long, quiet moment before Derek whispered, “You’re welcome.” 

Stiles looked back at Allison’s grave, reluctantly tearing his gaze away from Derek. “I miss her. She was a great friend, and such a good person. She was a hero.” 

"She was.” Derek agreed. 

“She saved everyone. Up until her last breath, all she wanted to do was save and help people, and she lived up to that. It’s unfair.”

“It is." 

Stiles let the tears fall and with a shaky breath, he leaned over to let his head rest on Derek’s shoulder, and felt Derek tense only a moment before he relaxed, and Stiles lifted his hand up to rest on Derek’s arm, smiled when Derek rested his hand over Stiles’s. 

Stiles drew comfort from Derek as the tears fell silent but steadfast, let himself grieve for one of his closest friends who had died way too young and hadn’t deserved to die. 

Life wasn’t fucking fair. 

That’s how Scott and Lydia found them, a while later, and Stiles reluctantly lifted his head from Derek’s shoulder. 

"Thanks for letting me…cry all over you, I guess.” Stiles said to Derek, who smiled as he stood up. 

“It wasn’t a problem at all. I’ll see you guys around.”

Stiles stood up as well, and as Derek turned away, Stiles said his name and walked over to him, and hugged him. “Thank you.” Stiles repeated, and Derek just held him tight for a long moment before he pulled back.

Stiles then watched Derek walk away, shoulders hunched, before he turned to Scott and Lydia, who said nothing but had a curious glint in their eyes. 

“Shall we?” Stiles pointed toward the jeep, and didn’t wait for answer before he was walking away toward the jeep, Scott and Lydia following him this time.

And for the first time in months, Stiles breathed a little easier, and couldn’t stop a small smile from forming on his face as he got in the car ahead of Scott and Lydia and started it up.


End file.
